20 Comments
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Judy Rapoport's avatar

Thank you. Your description of your

mom's death Is comforting.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Glad to hear that, Judy!

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Fred Wellisch's avatar

Thank you for posting this, Annette. My father-in-law is currently in hospice at home but it has taken time to, as you put it, find the right place for him. So the struggle that you and your siblings had to get your mom there resonated with me. Additionally, you pointed out beautifully how the family members need "respite' and time to reconcile themselves to what is going and to celebrate the life that is ending.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thanks, Fred! I'm glad this post resonated with you and I wish you and your family much fortitude for accompanying your father-in-law through the end of his life.

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Barbara Stark Nemon's avatar

Her memory is indeed a blessing. Lovely piece!

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thank you, Barbara!

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Lana  Brach's avatar

Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece about a heart wrenching situation. We each find our way to navigate through difficult situations, and reading about how you and your siblings dealt with your mother's death was very moving.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thank you, Lana. I'm glad I finally managed to capture my experience of my mom's death in words.

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Arlene Schenker's avatar

Just beautiful, Annette.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thank you, Arlene!

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Tina Hoggatt's avatar

Thank you for this piece. It reached me as my own mother is in hospice, seeing her deceased brother and sister every morning when she wakes, and cycling down to her end. I truly needed this. Much love on the loss of your mom. I'm so sorry it took this circuitous route, one she had hoped to avoid.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thank you, Tina! I'm glad my essay helped you a bit, and I wish you much strength in being present for your mom in her last days. It's a sacred time.

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Erika Dreifus's avatar

Thank you for sharing this soulful post with us, Annette.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thank you, Erika!

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Roni Beth Tower's avatar

Hi Annette, I sent my lengthy comment through your website and hope it reached you in a more private space. Please let me know if it did not get through some kind of firewall and I will find another way to reach you. With deepest condolences (and gratitude), Roni Beth Tower

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Annette Gendler's avatar

I got your email, thank you so much! I'll reply ASAP.

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Mary Fillmore's avatar

Annette, this is a gem. I am disappointed that doctors in Germany do as poor a job as the doctors here often do in telling families the truth so they can face death realistically -- but I too have had wonderful experiences with palliative care. Blessings on you and your mother on her death anniversary time, and thanks for sharing all of this with us.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thanks, Mary. Of course it depends on the particular hospital, who is in charge when, but such was our experience.

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Nancy Julien Kopp's avatar

Thanks for sharing your experience, Annette. It's a truly difficult situation. We all view it in a different way, I think. My dad was in a coma for 7 weeks after emergency surgery for an aortic aneurysm. I made my final good-bye one afternoon at the hospital, and shortly after I returned home, the call came that he'd died. Being me, I have written an essay about my 'silent good-bye'.

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Annette Gendler's avatar

Thanks, Nancy! If your essay about your silent good-bye is accessible online, please do share.

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